Things I thought would never happen to me... (as a mother).

Milo in a MCN. What's a MCN? You'll find out in this post.

A few things have happened to me since becoming a mother that I never thought would...

First of all, I am "that" first time mum, or I was to begin with at least. Having worked with kids for ages I was never concerned about the practical care they require (feeding, bathing, dressing etc). I knew how to do that stuff and felt confident about it. I must clarify with feeding, I mean solids, not breastfeeding, as I had no baseline for that. It was very difficult to begin with but I do love it now!

I didn't expect to feel quite so... well... unsure of myself?? I don't quite know how to put it, but the self-doubt that crept in about what kind of job I was doing in those first few weeks was quite unexpected. I think because I found breastfeeding tough (Milo was tiny and found it really hard coping with all the milk), it had a flow on effect onto my mothering in general, as I felt I wasn't meeting his basic needs very well.

I am not the kind of person who likes to "get by". If I am committed to doing something I want to do it well. So I did feel quite anxious and unsure those first few weeks, whilst simultaneously experiencing the most surreal and wonderful time getting to know our tiny, precious, delicious baby.

Second of all, I expected I would get bored and want to go back to uni at the start of this year to do a subject. I thought I would want and need the intellectual stimulation. I do love studying and I have always thought I will go back to uni and finish a Masters. I don't feel like doing that right now. I am really enjoying hanging out with Milo. I actually find it difficult enough to sit down with a book and read it, without feeling like I have a million other things I could be doing, like housework! So when I get a new magazine and sit down and read the articles that's a treat for me.

Tying into my second point above, I thought I would be really keen to get back to work at least a day a week to get out of the house, have adult conversation about things other than my baby etc. When in actual fact I have discovered that I would be happy to not return to work for another five years and stay home having babies and look after them til they start school. Not possible. But this has led me to my third point...

Thirdly, I never thought I would get crafty. Yet here I am making bibs and keen on making enough to sell them! I used to love sewing as a kid, but have had an extended hiatus from all things crafty. Loving it. I will keep you posted and let you know when I start selling them, they are in the works.

Fourthly, I never understood when I babysat the extended goodbyes and how parents would come back to the crying kids, and not just cut the goodbye instead of drawing it out and further upsetting the child. Now I completely understand leaving your child with someone else would be highly traumatic! I went and checked out a child care centre the other day with Milo and we went into the baby room to have a look. It was that time of day when the kids were getting ratty and a few were crying. Milo was in his pram. He could hear the crying, he looked around, looked at me, dropped his bottom lip and began to cry big, sad tears. It broke my heart and left me feeling like I never want to put him in child care (yet, I will have to at some point when I go back to work). So sorry parents, I get it. I do still think protracted goodbyes make it worse, but I understand where you are coming from). Like how I have given vaccinations to children, but hearing Milo cry when he has them, knowing he is in pain, kind of sucks!

Fifthly, I did not expect there were any notes of an 'earth mother' in my make up. I wouldn't have had a clue with MCN stood for. Do you know what it stands for? Modern Cloth Nappy. They have their own lingo, there are heaps of different sorts, and they have come a long way since the days of squares you folded like when I was a baby.

Not only have I found out what they are, but I use them on Milo and LOVE them... He is in disposables overnight and cloth nappies during the day. I enjoy looking after them and using them, love how cute they are, and they save heaps of money!

Also with this whole 'earth mother' thing I am trying to minimise chemicals used in cleaning in our house. Yes, me, the germaphobe! I am using Eco Store stuff all around the place because it appears Milo has my sensitive skin. I didn't even know what BPA was before I had a baby, but now I make sure the products I use for his feeding and drinking are all BPA free!

One thing that hasn't surprised me though is that I love being a mum. I love having my own set of fat thighs to munch on every day, it makes me very happy.