A body post, but maybe not what you expect.

I didn't know what cacao nibs were before last weekend...! A key ingredient to these delicious healthy cookies!

Delicious and guilt free!

I have struggled with body issues like a lot of people. I've had my fair share of "fat" days and seen photos of myself I didn't like. It's something I have been very aware of and was probably compounded pregnant. For some reason when you're pregnant body comments are seen as fair game and people tell you what they think of your body all the time (ie they think you're big or small or how you're carrying, how much weight you've put on or how big/small body parts are). I really hated that part of being pregnant, probably in part due to feeling more sensitive because overall I felt so crap that that extended to body image as well.

Something amazing happened today though. I was trying some clothes on in a change room, with that lighting that makes your skin look kinda dimply and is generally unflattering. I was shopping for some warmer weather clothes that will work having just had a baby. And I looked at myself and would have usually been upset and felt flat about my reflection but I didn't. I looked at myself and I thought hey, you just birthed a human less than seven weeks ago. And hey your body is her entire source of food and nutrition right now so you can be proud of that. 

And you know what? Physically pregnancy is not kind to me so I can't just go for a walk of a few km a few times a week and get rid of that baby weight. Actually just this part weekend my physio told me I can walk ten minutes a few times a week and add a minute to my walks next week and build up from there. And she gave me three exercises at home to retrain my brain to activate certain very weak muscles. That combined with the arm exercises with light weights from my osteo and some squats is all I am allowed to do at the moment. Not much right? But it's a start. I was on crutches for two months before having Olive and the tiniest amount of walking hurt. In fact, I was pretty much hurting all the time. 

Breastfeeding makes me really hungry. Last time (with Milo), I just ate what I wanted because I had felt sick for nine months and I wanted to enjoy myself! I haven't really been able to do that this time. Olive has been reacting to some things so I have had to completely cut out dairy (goodbye chocolate, sob, sob) and nuts. Combine that with the fructose malabsorption I already have and hello making everything from scratch. I have had to find healthier options. This weekend I downloaded The Whole Pantry app and made the quinoa healthy version of fried rice (with quinoa instead of rice), some healthy biscuits and healthy chocolate mousse. I was skeptical about the mousse because that's one of my favourite foods and the main ingredients are banana and avocado, but it is delicious. My treat was some Pana chocolate (it's raw and vegan). So I ate really well, with healthy smoothies for breakfast. And I started feeling better. Better physically and better mentally. Better about myself. 

So this morning I looked at my reflection that's kilos away from where I want to be and for the first time in I don't remember how long I went easy on myself. I thought rationally. You know what? Half of the last three years I've been pregnant and really unwell. My body has had a tough time. I can't do cardio just yet. I can nourish my body and thereby nourish Olive. I can set a good example for my kids and not let them grow up hearing me whinge about my body. I can set a good example for Milo of what's normal and healthy for a woman and so the same for Olive so she doesn't have the same struggles I have. It's a journey and I am not there yet, but I've started.