Miss-ed you... and HG is not my friend.

One of the amazing meals cooked by Carli

In hospital getting some fluids... it helps for a few hours once it kicks in!

My little treasure, reminding me every day difficult pregnancies are worth it! (photo cred to Vanessa)

Miss-ed you. That's what Milo says to me when I have been gone for any period of time (or heck, even when he wakes up from his sleep).

And that's how I feel about you my blog. I have miss-ed you. I have missed writing and sharing and record keeping. I didn't intend for it to be so long between posts... Initially it was because I got pregnant and was feeling really sick and not doing much worth blogging about, and it was still at a stage where the pregnancy is a secret. Then I just kept feeling sick. Then my friend told me about helpher.org and I had a read and realised that yep, that was me, suffering from hyeperemesis gravidarum (HG). Most people say "oh isn't that what the Duchess of Cambridge had?", well yeah, it is, but luckily for her hers seems to have passed.

Just a warning, if you are one of my friends who is trying for a baby, you probably don't want to read on about someone talking about a difficult pregnancy because you would just be happy to be pregnant. I am extremely grateful for the life growing inside me and this is not a whinge about being pregnant, this is me sharing the difficult journey I am on, hoping that raising awareness will help someone else.

The website describes HG as the following:

Hyperemesis gravidarum (HG) is a severe form of nausea and vomiting in pregnancy. It is generally described as unrelenting, excessive pregnancy-related nausea and/or vomiting that prevents adequate intake of food and fluids. If severe and/or inadequately treated, it is typically associated with:

• loss of greater than 5% of pre-pregnancy body weight (usually over 10%)
• dehydration and production of ketones
• nutritional deficiencies
• metabolic imbalances
• difficulty with daily activities

(copied from http://www.helpher.org/hyperemesis-gravidarum/)

For me personally, I don't vomit all that much. In some ways I wish I did coz at least there is minor relief for a short period afterwards (although I could share with you the time last week when I needed to signal to Clarence to pull over so I could jump out of the car and vomit in the bushes, classy). My struggle has been more with constant nausea... nausea that is debilitating and that keeps me awake and needs medication and definitely causes difficulty with activities of daily living! For a while there I was winning if I could wash my face and brush my teeth by lunch time. That's my daily goal and I push myself to get there! It meant nearly two months off work and now I am back very part time on office duties and it has meant ongoing admissions to hospital for IV fluids because drinking is much harder than eating for me.

The hardest parts are the sheer frustration of losing my capable self and needing so much help, feeling useless, being unable to complete tasks that are usually not even things I have to think about (brushing my teeth can be positively vomit inducing for instance), being unable to get out of the house much on my own with Milo because it is such an effort and makes me feel worse, being tired all the time, being isolated and somewhat lonely and nursing and medical staff who are insensitive and make me feel like I need to justify how I am feeling and my need for treatment because quite frankly they have no idea what it is like! By this I mean that when you have barely had 500ml of fluid a day for more than a week and go into hospital and they say things like "you don't look bad/you look quite well/you don't look that dry/it will pass"... I have joined a group on facebook of women who are/have experienced HG (many a lot worse actually) and we were talking about this exact thing. One suggested taking in a wee sample to show how small and concentrated it is, another suggested not brushing my hair or wearing make-up so I look my worst... I told Clarence that and both feel that is so wrong. It seems such a common thing to have to fight for appropriate care and have to prove oneself. Which, quite frankly, is the last thing you feel like doing. I am so happy I have a great obstetrician. I can just call the midwife at her rooms and tell them I am in need of fluids and they book me in for them. From the experiences shared by other women and what I have experienced in some cases it seems that they expect you to practically drag yourself in looking like death. What is wrong with getting onto it a bit earlier?? Honestly, if not for the baby on board I wouldn't go to the effort for just myself. Lying there in tears because of inconsiderate comments is really degrading. But on the upside it has really shown me the other side and made me consider my nursing practice and will hopefully make me a better nurse, that is a good thing. And it makes me want to raise awareness and somehow improve care for women suffering from HG when I am feeling well again.

There are some things I am incredibly grateful for and want to share with you to end this post on a positive note:

• My husband - he is working so hard to maintain his full-time job and take care of Milo and I, HG has a massive effect on spouses too
• Milo - he is such a treasure. Despite not getting out much and not doing as much as we usually do he has been such a good boy and he is a daily reminder that difficult pregnancies are worth it (it was really hard when I was pregnant with him too, but not this bad)
• My family and friends who have helped out with Milo, he loves going out for coffee with grandma and grandpa
• Thomas the Tank Engine and his friends, they keep Milo endlessly entertained!! We are growing his collection of trains
• My neighbours Carli and Robyn - Carli cooks a meal for us every single week (food prep is something that makes me feel really sick and I just can't cook at the moment). They also check on us all the time and Carli makes me the most amazing soups which feed me for lunch for most of the week and also contribute to my fluid intake!
• Our other friends who have made us meals, like the Keegans and the Sancristanis
• My friends who check on me, even when my answer about how I am feeling is always the same!
• Being able to get pregnant in the first place and for the baby who is happily growing away inside me, thankfully oblivious to what I am experiencing
• That I am finally more than halfway!!!

So I hope to get back to blogging a bit more, if nothing else to keep a record of what Milo is up to as he grows and develops, it just happens so quickly. I wanted to blog as far back as Easter when he went on his first Easter egg hunt. You know how people post "throwback Thursday" photos? I might be doing some throwback Thursday blogs!!